[tweetmeme source=”jjdanz” only_single=false service=ow.ly]
Have you ever come away from a conversation discombobulated, wondering what happened?
Listen to how people talk and you’ll know why that happens. You’ll find this advice in so many books about writing. But what happens when you actually do that? What happens when you listen in on your own coversations?
You find out that people don’t listen very well. And if you think you’re different, pay closer attention. We’re all guilty of this to some degree.
People play at conversing but, more often than not, if you listen, you hear two monologues that are only tangentially related. Most people in conversation use the time you are talking to formulate their next insertion, their next foray into the conversation.
If nothing else, the exercise may help you become a better listener and speak more to the points of your fellow conversationalist (Just don’t expect them to reciprocate). At best, you’ll cue in to the beats of a conversation, the way the subjects change and questions go unanswered.
The challenge of the writer is to be able to give the sense of normal conversation, but without the boredom and the inanity. Each line of dialogue must work for the story.
hmmmm. I’m a talker and I almost always come away from a good conversation on a high…until I realize I completely monopolized the conversation. how egocentric am I? I have a lot of patient and introverted friends.
Next time I’m going to pay attention more so that my delayed reactions don’t wake me up in the morning feeling like I’m hungover.
yes, every piece of dialogue must work for you…and every single sentence. Oh, the madness!
Oh to be cursed with the gift of gab and the ability to destroy good times by over analyzing them. I feel your pain. I struggle with the same thing and hope that as time goes on, I get better. I wonder how much our subconscious takes over when it realizes we aren’t being listened to. Hmmm.
Listening, really listening, takes such practice! I’ve become better at it, but I’m no means the best listener in the world.
Sometimes I tell myself: This person isn’t looking for me to solve his/her problems, they just need me to listen to them.
Most of the time, I try and fix them and always fail! 😉
Nice topic, Jonathan!
Life is one giant, ongoing lesson, isn’t it? We are all works in progress!
Yeah, humans suck at listening…and so do my characters!
What? No, just kidding. I feel like that disconnect is best illustrated by the critically acclaimed sitcom Three’s Company. Formula: Jack says something that may be taken a different way + Mr. Roper takes it a different way = ensuing hilarity. Alright, maybe it’s way over the top, but the idea is there.